My Rules

I blogged this awhile back on my Facebook blog, but since I've been deeply entrenched in the Great Clean Out of 2011 I thought it was apropos.

When I was sorting through a few papers that I had kept, I found a paper titled "Rules of MY Club" listing everything you had to do to hang out with me. This was circa 2nd or 3rd grade. I was REALLY REALLY into forming clubs during this period of my life. So, I am going to retype this paper, typos and all, because some of the rules I am happy to say I still abide by!

name: Laura Ann L***** (yes, I misspelled my middle name)

Rules of my club!

1. never lie

2. Be nice to eveyone

3. You Have to have markers To Be in my club

4. all ways be Perkey

5. all ways say Please

The most furm rule! NO boys allwoed!

Okay, so now I make some exceptions such as allowing boys to hang out with me, but the markers rule still stands. Don't try to hang out with me if you don't have markers. :)

I Live Under a Bridge

So, last night, I was making a celebratory Sonic run. If you know me at all, you know I loves me some Diet Coke. On the rocks. With a twist.

I was celebrating learning that I was one of two of the top candidates for an amazing job. I had been hoarding my Christmas Sonic card balance for occasions such as these. Since I am currently unemployed, my $60/mo (+) Diet Coke habit had to go.

No one could bring me down! I pulled up to my usual spot. Yes, I have a usual parking spot at "my" Sonic. Let's move past it. I ordered a Route 44 Diet Coke, light ice. Always light ice. I paid with my gift card, happy to see that I still have $5.94 left.

I still had my window down, due to the balmy weather. I love San Antonio during the winter!

This homeless guy walked in front of my car and asked for $1.

The conversation went like this:

"Hey, can I have $1.00?"

"Sorry, I don't have it."

I don't have it to spare.

"Come on, it's only a dollar."

"No, I'm unemployed. I paid with a gift card."

"Man, I live under a bridge!"

Not my problem. (Yep, I'm that bitch.)

"No."

"Nooo!" The homeless guy actually mocked me and made a face!

I am ashamed to say I stared him down as he moved along to the next car to beg further. And he stared down back.

Then he got chased back to his bridge by the Sonic manager.

I wish there was a moral to this story. The only moral is, don't mess with me when I'm trying to get my hands on some Diet Coke. Even if you're homeless.

Gardening 101

You're welcome in advance.

A year-and-a-half ago, I told myself, "Lawruh, you need to really think about taking care of something. I mean, really dig deep and pour your heart and soul into another being."

Cat? HELL no.

Dog? Meh.

Fish? Gross! What do you do with the body after the week is up?

Ant farm? Out of the question!

Cockroaches don't really count as "beings."

Plants? Hmmm. They don't need 24/7 care, so that might be a good jumping off point. Also, they don't have pitiful eyes that beg you to love them. Bonus.

Flowers? Too delicate.

Ivy? Too much pruning.

Cacti?

(courtesy of Google images)

Sign me up! I got 2 succulents and 2 cacti from my local "green" nursery.

I went out and bought colorful pots for them and special cactus potting soil but just ended up sticking the cacti into the colorful pots with the plastic cartons still attached. Great start to that whole pouring my heart and soul into something. Also, when I moved, I left them at my apartment for over 2 weeks. My neighbor noticed (they were in the window box), I didn't.

Today, I thought I would repot those stickers...finally.

I'm really clean when I garden.

1.2.3...Yeah, the other succulent bit the dust awhile back. Probably after I left them in a hot apartment for 2 weeks. Nothing is hotter than an unairconditioned apartment in the dead of August in San Antonio. Even a desert.

I probably need to water them, I'm pretty sure that I haven't since before Christmas.

I'm fertilicious. I put those rocks in pots-pots. So fertilicious.

Onto my next gardening project. YES. Two in one day. Watch out!

My super sweet neighbor brought this little guy by before Christmas, saying that he had been waiting for me to be home when he was. He had been watering this little guy for a few days and was so excited to give him to me. "You can plant it in your yard when it gets bigger!"

I killed a succulent, we'll see how Saint Nick fares.

I have been trying to keep him alive and he looks great so far! More because I am afraid to tell my neighbor what happened to St. Nick if the unthinkable happens.

I got my shiny white ceramic pot.

There was already dirt in it and I'm not sure why. I had probably planned on planting something, but it died before I could transfer it. Oh, well. I dumped the dirt out and put rocks in the bottom for drainage, since there were no holes in the pot. Fun!

Viola! (sic)

Back inside. Saint Nick is hibernating for the winter.

Mrs. Clause...

who did better outside without my help for awhile...

...hasn't fared so well. Saint Nick is officially a widower.

Epic Fail

Okay, "epic" might be a bit dramatic.

I got this idea from a blogger I read religiously.

You write down everything you want for yourself in a man, life, 2011, etc. Whatever you want. Then, after midnight on the 1st, you light it on fire. The idea is to send it out into the universe. I was SO on board with this idea. SO excited to put it all out there, symbolically, and hope that that trickles into how I live my life in 2011.

So I wrote out everything I wanted in a guy. I'm not very poetic or eloquent, so I just did bullet points. Hoping the New Year would bring someone wonderful into my life!

So, after coming home from a friend's New Year's Eve party, I went out on my back porch/patch-of-concrete-too-small-to-be-called-a-porch and lit my paper on fire.

Match after match after match yielded nothing more than a smolder. The paper was not burning hardly at all.

It was the damn wind. It blew out match after match after match. Every edge of the folded up piece of paper was seared, but definitely not released into the universe.

What were you trying to tell me, Universe?

Anyway, it was cold, so I gave up. Well, it was Texas cold, like 54 degrees Fahrenheit. I bet the windchill was like 52.

And my list sure did include "calls me out on my sh*t" and "thinks I'm hilarious." I'm both open and egotistical like that.

As of 2100 hours today, my man list is officially released into the universe. The ashes are in my flower pot, if you want proof.

Here's to 2011!